A broken spirit

“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”

Matthew 5:3-4 (NIV)

When we lead, does it come from a desire to achieve positive change in the world or does it come from our desire for material gain and/or to be seen as righteous or successful in the eyes of the world? For many of us, the answer may be mixed.

After I made the decision to begin this blog, I encountered struggles on two main fronts. First, I questioned my motivation for writing this blog. Second, I noticed that the focus of my Bible reading, prayer, and meditation shifted from focusing on God’s message to me to what message I wanted to impart to others. To mitigate these concerns, I made a conscious effort to bring my focus back to God’s message to me.

On the first morning of a five-day vacation, the words from Psalm 51:10, which I have heard sung in church before, came into my mind: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.” During the day, I meditated on the previous verse and other verses as I drove my family twelve hours to visit my family for Christmas. That evening, I felt that my first entries should focus on the beatitudes.

When Jesus says we are blessed when we are “poor in spirit” I think he is calling us to humility. A beautiful presentation of this is his parable of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:9-14. In this parable, Jesus contrasts the prayers of the righteous Pharisee with the sinful tax collector. Although the Pharisee acknowledges God’s providence in putting him in a high position, his prayer is proud. The tax collector, on the other hand comes to God in humility as he acknowledges his low position. There are many things that I take pride in. I have earned a couple of advanced degrees, I have spent my career leading accounting and/or finance departments of nonprofit organizations dedicated to improving the lives of the less fortunate, and my wife and I have worked to provide a good life for ourselves and children. But I recognize that my thoughts and motivations are still rooted in selfishness and that I often think of how my actions are perceived of by others.

After we acknowledge our low position, we are called to mourn not only our own selfishness but the plight of the World. There are many things in this world that may grieve our hearts. As I write this, the leadership of Russia is killing Ukrainians and sending its own men to die. People continue to starve in many parts of the World and the future does not hold much hope for these people. As I visit El Paso, TX, the city I grew up in, there is unease over the number of people who are coming across the border to seek a better life. When I drive on the highway through downtown San Diego, I see tents where the homeless live set up on one of the overpasses.

We are to mourn what we see around us and yearn for peace in the world and an end to poverty and injustice. But, before we can positively impact the World, we must acknowledge those things in our own hearts that must be changed. As Thomas Merton wrote, “Instead of hating the people you think are war-makers, hate the appetites and disorder in your own soul, which are the causes of war. If you love peace, then hate injustice, hate tyranny, hate greed – but hate these things in yourself, not in another.” New Seeds of Contemplation.

Before we can positively impact those we come into contact with on a daily basis, our communities, and the world, we must look at those things in our lives that must be changed and open ourselves up to be changed by our Lord. If we are not yet in a position of leadership but desire to lead others, what are our motivations to lead others? If we are in positions that have formal authority, do we use our formal authority to advance ourselves or do we use it in a manner that builds up others and our community? If we are wronged, do we stay angry at others or do we turn our troubles over to God in faith? If we misuse our authority do we acknowledge our wrongs, mourn them, and humbly ask for forgiveness and a renewed heart?